Another passage from Maugham's Of Human Bondage, this time about dance halls in the late 1800's.
Bullier was not the resort of fashion. It was Thursday night and the place was crowded. There were a number of students of various faculties, but most of the men were clerks or assistants in shops; they wore their everyday clother, ready-made tweeds or queer tail-coats, and their hats, for they had brought them in with them, and when they danced there was no place to put them but their heads. Some of the women looked like servant-girls, and some were painted hussies, but for the most part they were shop-girls. They were poorly dressed in cheap imitation of the fashions on the other side of the river. The hussies were got up to resemble the music-hall artiste or the dancer who enjoyed notoriety at the moment; their eyes were heavy with black and their cheeks impudently scarlet. The hall was lit with great white lights, low down, which emphazised the shadows on the faces; all the lines seemed to harden under it, and the colours were most crude. It was a sordid scence. Philip leaned over the rail, staring down, and he ceased to hear the music. They danced fusiously. They danced round the room, slowly, talking very little, with all their attention given to the dance. The room was hot, and their faces shone with sweat. It seemed to Philip that they had thrown of the guard which people wear on their expression, the homage to covention, and he saw them now as they really were. In that moment of abandon they were strangely animal: some were foxy and some were wolflike; and others had the long, foolish face of sheep. Their skins were sallow from the unhealthy life they led and the poor food they ate, Their features were blunted by mean interest, and their little eyes were shifty and cunning. There was nothing of nobility in their bearing, and you felt that for all of them life was a long succession of petty concerns and srodid thoughts. The air was heavy with the musty smelly of humanity. But they danced furiously as thought impelled by some strange power withing them, and it seemed to Philip that they were driven forward by a rage for enjoyment. They were seeking desperately to escape from a world of horror. The desire for pleasure which Cronshaw said was the only motive of human action urged them blindly on, and the very vehemence of the desire seemed to rob it of all pleasure. They were hurried on by a great wind, helplessly, they knew not why and they knew not whither. Fate seemd to tower above them, and they danced as though an everlasting darkness were beneath their feet. Their silence was vaguely alarming. It was as if life terrified them and robbed them of power of speech so that the shriek which was in their hearts died at their throsts. There eyes were haggard and grim; and the meanness of their faces, and the cruelty, notwithstanding the stupidness which was worst fo all, the anguish of those fixed eyes made all that crowd terrible and pathetic. Philip loathed them, and yet his heart ached with the infinite pity which filled him.
He took his coat from the cloak-room and went out into the bitter coldness of the night.
My version (2004 update)
Zouk was no fashion show. It was ladies night and the placed was packed. There were a few jc students, but most of the clubbers were young working adults; they came in a stripped down version of their office wear, and their PDA-handphones, which they wore around their necks. Some of the chicks looked like ah lians, and some had way too much make-up on, but the crowd was largely 20-something. They were decked out in a shabby attempt at jap or american fashion. The girls all tried desperately to look like the latest pop-star or fashion diva at moment, (which unfortunately was Christina Aguilera *cringe*) with kohl lined eyes and flourescent pink blusher. The dancefloor blazed with disco lights and the trademark UV light, which made everything white glow with an unearthly parlour, making faces dark and ghoulish in comparison. It was a sordid scene. Phill leaned over the rail, looking down at the mambo-nighters, and the throbing techno beats began to fade away. The mambo-nighters boogied furiously. They wiggled about in their spot madly, not bothering to talk, conversation being impossible with the music so loud anyway. Although there was air-con, the proximity of so many gyrating bodies generated vast amounts of heat, and the faces of the most enthu glistened with sweat. To Phill, it seemed as though they finally showed their true colours. In that moment of abandon they were strangely animal; from his perch he could make out the hunters and the hunted. Underneath the harsh lights, he saw that their skin was sallow, masked by bronzer, caused by bullimia. Their features made them look unforgiving and cruel, and their blank gazes were haughty. There was nothing of nobility in their bearing, and you felt that for all of them life was a long succession of materialism, selfishness and sex. The air, dense with cigarette smoke, was musty with the smell of raw humanity. But they continued to dance relentlessly, as though driven by a powerful, inescapable force within them, and it seemed to Phill a sort of hedonistic lust. They were seeking desperately to escape from a world of horror. The desire for pleasure, which Chow asserted was the only motive of human action, urged them blindly on. Ironically, the very vehemence and intensity of that desire seemed to rob their performance of any pleasure. They were blown about by every trend, not knowing why, not knowing where. Fate seemed to tower above them and they danced as though hell were under their feet and dancing their only means of redemption. Their total lack of verbal communication was vaguely distressing to Phill, he felt it was as though some great fear choked them such that the great cry of confusion in their hearts never left their lips. Their eyes were haggard and lifeless; you only saw the blatant lust and flirtation, and worst of all, a certain stupid passiveness. Behind those souless eyes was a deep anguish, longings unfulfilled and murderous loneliness, making the crowd at once terrifiying and pathetic. Phill hated them, and yet his heart ached with the infinite pity which threatened to overwhelm him.
He picked up the tab and went out into the warm saucy darkness of the night.
the four right chords can make me cry
Saturday, May 29, 2004
Friday, May 28, 2004
O generation of vipers, how can ye, being evil, speak good things? For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaketh.
Thursday, May 27, 2004
| THIS WAY UP á |
| becky has fragile contents which may break! |
From Go-Quiz.com
It seems that I am permanently meant to have broken skin of some sort. Just as soon as I celebrate my victory over my healing finger cut and the removal of toenail debris, I spring a huge raw blister on my big toe during taekwondo today.
I was doing fine, didnt even feel nothing at first. Then I felt something sticking to my toe. Not wanting to disrupt too much of the lesson, I hastily bend down and attempt to rip off what I assumed was an offending piece of sticky litter. Pain, excruciating, ensues. But it's only later when I examine my foot do I realise that it was actually a thick piece of toe-skin and the ripping had exposed some raw fleshy bit. Owwie.
Then I did the test from timo's blog. Tests dont lie!
On the limping way back home, some guy from taekwondo class caught up with me and talked to me. I sparred with him during class today, and he kicked me a few times, I'm thinking he wanted to apologise or something. Well, I THINK it was him, cos we cant wear specs when we spar, so all I know is my opponent was a green belt. (like how unfair, I don't even know how to do a front kick properly). But he didnt get a chance to say much, because he caught me in a strangely talkative mood, and I rattled on and on during the short walk we had in common. I complained about my blister and so on.
And no, its not what you think!!! He's younger than me, and besides, if I actually ever liked someone, I would never be able to open my mouth, much less go on and on. I guess cos i'm so used to younger guys, like my brothers and church guys like gabs, that i'm really comfortable talking to them.
Sparring was fun! You learn alot from the other students, and putting into practice in a real fight those theoretical kicks is alot tougher than I imagined it to be. My performance was abysmal. Some opponents even refused to fight me until the instructor walked around. But the guy who talked to me actually gave contact, albeit quite light. Must have been painful for him more than me tho, cos he somehow always kicked my elbows. ouch. These two black belt guys in protective gear did'nt even attempt to kick me at all, and urged me to kick them harder. Timid ol' me, I did'nt give any contact at all although it was allowed, and they were wearing padding.
Turns out Willy has a black belt in taekwondo! He wanted me to work dinner today, but Jean told him I had taekwondo lessons. Absolutely incredulous, he immediately questioned me. When I had assured him he heard right, he told me that he knows taekwondo too!
Whole world knows taekwondo!
Wednesday, May 26, 2004
I arranged for my first driving lesson!!! I start on Saturday, with a private instructor cos I can't afford a school. I really hope I pass the first time, cos I don't have the money to make it second or third (heaven forbid!) time.
Quick update:
1) The owwie on my finger has finally formed a layer of dried blood which means I don't need a plaster to keep to germs out anymore. Go blood clotting mechanism!
2) I stubbed my little toe and half the nail came off. It hurts. And I developed a peculiar walk at work today to ease the pain. Just now I gingerly pulled the last bit of it off. Still hurts, but less.
Aren't I terribly injury prone.
On Sunday after sitting and watching the guys play pool (see timo's blog for his side of the story) I met an old secondary school friend on the bus. It was our class macho-man; Zhongwei! He's in OCS (no surprise there); but he revealed to me that Linus got into OCS too! And he was the best in platoon somemore!!! Incredible.
Actually, Zhongwei was one of the people that I totally forgot was in my class. I only remember Hwee Zi, Clemence, Linus, Joyce, Meiqi, Huishan, Weihao, Fan Wenqing, Fiona, Szewei, Eugene Lim and of course, the infamous Eugene Quek. Meeting Zhongwei reminded me of all the other ppl I spent 2 years with but left no lasting impression, like Ian, Qiao Yang, Yan Bing (if that was his name), Justin, and others whose names I can no longer bring to memory.
Wait a tick! Found me school photos! Zhonghua Secondary School - Secondary 4E3 (2001) ACK! So many people I forgot!!! Oops, and his name is Ke Bin, not Yan Bing.
I think I look exactly the same now as I did then. I DO look cute in a pinchable-cheeks kind of way (which was what alot of people did to me back then, i'm begining to recall). Eyes still small. And I still look blur and toot, with messy hair most of the time. Well, hair is shorter now.
I don't really miss those days. I was much more anti-social back then, and had alot of baggage. I like the now me better than the then me.
On another note, younger brother had eventful day, but i'm not allowed to discuss it. Heh. Let's just say he's a black eyed peas fan and while he didnt get to go to the concert tonight, he showed his pride in other ways. HEH.
To mandy, I'm just glad that I could make you feel better! It made my day to make your day, and I love helping you whenever I can so don't mention it!
Quick update:
1) The owwie on my finger has finally formed a layer of dried blood which means I don't need a plaster to keep to germs out anymore. Go blood clotting mechanism!
2) I stubbed my little toe and half the nail came off. It hurts. And I developed a peculiar walk at work today to ease the pain. Just now I gingerly pulled the last bit of it off. Still hurts, but less.
Aren't I terribly injury prone.
On Sunday after sitting and watching the guys play pool (see timo's blog for his side of the story) I met an old secondary school friend on the bus. It was our class macho-man; Zhongwei! He's in OCS (no surprise there); but he revealed to me that Linus got into OCS too! And he was the best in platoon somemore!!! Incredible.
Actually, Zhongwei was one of the people that I totally forgot was in my class. I only remember Hwee Zi, Clemence, Linus, Joyce, Meiqi, Huishan, Weihao, Fan Wenqing, Fiona, Szewei, Eugene Lim and of course, the infamous Eugene Quek. Meeting Zhongwei reminded me of all the other ppl I spent 2 years with but left no lasting impression, like Ian, Qiao Yang, Yan Bing (if that was his name), Justin, and others whose names I can no longer bring to memory.
Wait a tick! Found me school photos! Zhonghua Secondary School - Secondary 4E3 (2001) ACK! So many people I forgot!!! Oops, and his name is Ke Bin, not Yan Bing.
I think I look exactly the same now as I did then. I DO look cute in a pinchable-cheeks kind of way (which was what alot of people did to me back then, i'm begining to recall). Eyes still small. And I still look blur and toot, with messy hair most of the time. Well, hair is shorter now.
I don't really miss those days. I was much more anti-social back then, and had alot of baggage. I like the now me better than the then me.
On another note, younger brother had eventful day, but i'm not allowed to discuss it. Heh. Let's just say he's a black eyed peas fan and while he didnt get to go to the concert tonight, he showed his pride in other ways. HEH.
To mandy, I'm just glad that I could make you feel better! It made my day to make your day, and I love helping you whenever I can so don't mention it!
Saturday, May 22, 2004
Last night went out for supper with Hwee zi and Kenny. It was pretty good, stingray, satay and sugarcane at chompchomp. And the company was amiable, I felt comfortable, conversation flowed easily. How can I explain the contented satisfaction I felt that night? It wasnt something that made me jump up and down with excitement, but I knew instinctively that it was good. In a sedate, full-bellied way. As i go on in years, I think I will feel this way more and the hyper, exuberant-type happy much less.
Went to apply for PDL and final theory already, but still shifting my feet about finding an actual instructor. At SSDC, some guy asked if i could pay NETS for him and he pay me back in cash. Again. Exact same thing happened the last time I went to apply for basic. And both times the guy was taking the same test as me.
On a second note, will someone go to an art gallery with me? I want to see the work again, but wish I had company. Here's a short write-up about my favourite contemporay Japanese artist of the moment; Hiroshi Okada.
Seeing, is not so much how one can observe reality, but how one chooses to perceive it. Hiroshi Okada views that our perception through sight is defined by the way our minds interact with an object being there. Simply looking, is not necessarily seeing. Okada's paintings attempt to illustrate the reality that is not only projected by what we see of the object. The presence of an object can also be conveyed by the emptiness surrounding it as the negative space defines its form. The artist's latest collection of paintings are composed of nothing but light and shadows, yet it is the artist's sensitive treatment of this 'phenomenon' that renders them haunting and mysterious. While these paintings are often quiet and contemplative, they hint of something else beyond, a larger presence lurking beyond the periphery.
Even if you think that's a bunch of crap, just see the paintings for yourself. I found them seductively evocative, mysterious, insouciant. Heh, if I ever fall on hard times, I think I can still make a living by bedek-ing my way through as an art critic, no?
Here's a beautiful passage from my favourite writer of all time, W. Somerset Maugham; the book being Of Human Bondage.
He did not know how wide a country, arid and precipitous, must be crossed before the traveller through life comes to an acceptance of reality. It is an illusion that youth is happy, an illusion of those who have lost it; but the young know that they are wretched, for they are full of the truthless ideals which have been instilled into them, and each time they come in contact with the real they are bruised and wounded. It looks as if they were victims of a conspiracy; for the books they read, ideal by the necessity of selection, and the conversation of their elders, who look back upon the past through a rosy haze of forgetfulness, prepare them for an unreal life. They must discover for themselves that all they have read and all they have been told are lies, lies, lies; and each discovery is another nail driven into the body on the cross of life. The strange thing is that each one who has gone through that bitter disillusionment adds to it in his turn, unconsciously, by the power within him which is stronger than himself.
I love the writers I love because they put into words so beautifully, so convincingly, what we struggle to express and explain in our own lives. And you can quote me on that one! =)
Went to apply for PDL and final theory already, but still shifting my feet about finding an actual instructor. At SSDC, some guy asked if i could pay NETS for him and he pay me back in cash. Again. Exact same thing happened the last time I went to apply for basic. And both times the guy was taking the same test as me.
On a second note, will someone go to an art gallery with me? I want to see the work again, but wish I had company. Here's a short write-up about my favourite contemporay Japanese artist of the moment; Hiroshi Okada.
Seeing, is not so much how one can observe reality, but how one chooses to perceive it. Hiroshi Okada views that our perception through sight is defined by the way our minds interact with an object being there. Simply looking, is not necessarily seeing. Okada's paintings attempt to illustrate the reality that is not only projected by what we see of the object. The presence of an object can also be conveyed by the emptiness surrounding it as the negative space defines its form. The artist's latest collection of paintings are composed of nothing but light and shadows, yet it is the artist's sensitive treatment of this 'phenomenon' that renders them haunting and mysterious. While these paintings are often quiet and contemplative, they hint of something else beyond, a larger presence lurking beyond the periphery.
Even if you think that's a bunch of crap, just see the paintings for yourself. I found them seductively evocative, mysterious, insouciant. Heh, if I ever fall on hard times, I think I can still make a living by bedek-ing my way through as an art critic, no?
Here's a beautiful passage from my favourite writer of all time, W. Somerset Maugham; the book being Of Human Bondage.
He did not know how wide a country, arid and precipitous, must be crossed before the traveller through life comes to an acceptance of reality. It is an illusion that youth is happy, an illusion of those who have lost it; but the young know that they are wretched, for they are full of the truthless ideals which have been instilled into them, and each time they come in contact with the real they are bruised and wounded. It looks as if they were victims of a conspiracy; for the books they read, ideal by the necessity of selection, and the conversation of their elders, who look back upon the past through a rosy haze of forgetfulness, prepare them for an unreal life. They must discover for themselves that all they have read and all they have been told are lies, lies, lies; and each discovery is another nail driven into the body on the cross of life. The strange thing is that each one who has gone through that bitter disillusionment adds to it in his turn, unconsciously, by the power within him which is stronger than himself.
I love the writers I love because they put into words so beautifully, so convincingly, what we struggle to express and explain in our own lives. And you can quote me on that one! =)
Wednesday, May 19, 2004
Bought a new pair of pants with Serene today. They look like they might be nice. But thing is, i do NOT have a clue as to how to wear them. Help me please.
And i'm not alone.
from http://pica72.blogspot.com
Fashion victim
Thought I bought something very fashion forward.
It looked good in the store........on the mannequin.
The girl in the shop told me it was one of the newest models.....a thai fisherman's pant
So after several efforts and waisting my precious weekend time, I still don't have a damn clue how to wear these pants!
You have to fold them in such a way, that it 'll look like you're wearing a saron or something........why don't these things come with a manual?
// posted by chica @ 9:05 PM
I was wondering the exact same thing. lol.
Havent decided if the writer was being witty about "waisting" his/her time, or just cant spell. *GRIN* These people are funny!
And i'm not alone.
from http://pica72.blogspot.com
Fashion victim
Thought I bought something very fashion forward.
It looked good in the store........on the mannequin.
The girl in the shop told me it was one of the newest models.....a thai fisherman's pant
So after several efforts and waisting my precious weekend time, I still don't have a damn clue how to wear these pants!
You have to fold them in such a way, that it 'll look like you're wearing a saron or something........why don't these things come with a manual?
// posted by chica @ 9:05 PM
I was wondering the exact same thing. lol.
Havent decided if the writer was being witty about "waisting" his/her time, or just cant spell. *GRIN* These people are funny!
Tuesday, May 18, 2004
The loneliness from yesterday largely evaporated during my sleep, as things like that usually do. But as i trudged down to work, and off on my break alone, they surfaced again. Twas a hot blistering day to be walking around the stifling bugis village, so i bought myself a mango milk tea. an indulgence, at a whooping $2 a cup. But it was nice and sweet and cold, and it lifted my mood somewhat. Then i found my red bull shirt! Happy! But they didnt have my size. Oh well, at least i know where to look for them now.
Back to work, early, cos i had run out of places to walk around in. Ben was sleeping on the table, so i quietly sit down and read my bible. Was reading the passage Ivan preached on sunday, 1 Samuel 17. and kept on going! Cos the story of David has so much action, jealousy, murderous intent, extreme friendship, father-son relations, war, decapitation etc. Hard to put down, really.
Work was slow today, i worked outside, and there werent many customers, not busy at all. Talked to Annie more, and NUS Life Science is sounding worse and worse by the second. Humbug. But towards the end of the night Adam also talked alot to us, heck, even I talked more. It was nice, cos for once i felt like part of the conversation, not just like i was being talked to. The joys of working with people your own age and demographic! (university bound) And in english, lets not forget that's still pretty important for me.
Even Ben talked to me today! What he said really made me feel happy, but also really reflective. He said that of the 3 part-timers (me, Jane, and JinYu), he always thought that i would be the first to leave. Like all those people who worked a few days and couldnt take it. Confirmed my suspicions, he DID think i was lousy and he DID want to fire me (read the archives). But he said he felt bad, cos he saw that i wanted the job, and that i was trying hard. "Actually, i showed the most patience with you." And really, he did. I really was terrible at waitressing.
"should take photo; before and after." He actually said that he was proud of me, that i could now handle even the big heavy trays, that i had come so far. =) He said that now i am the first choice out of 11 (that's football-speak, which i actually understand now, amazingly). "This one, always smiling at customers one."
I'm so pleased to see that my hard work actually paid off, that my service didnt go unnoticed. I'm proud of myself, that i persevered, even when i felt so sucky about myself. Another reason why waitressing is the most rewarding job in the world! I feel i have achieved something, i feel that i'm a better person than when i first started and i would not have done it any other way.
Adam told us the sad story of his breakup. His girlfriend of 5 long years left him saying that she was too busy. Then she got attached to this German guy! And the worst part was, Adam was the one who actually started talking to that guy one day outside a lecture theatre! OUCH!!!
More about Adam. Ben actually banned him from working in the kitchen, cos all the cooks were getting too fond of him. Adam is now also forbidden from calling them "darling". (but i call everyone darling! he retorted later, which is true) And its really funny, cos they DO like him alot and say things like "what were you doing outside just now? I jealous!" And everyday they ask "Where's Adam?" and they used to keep calling Abang Adam accidentally-on-purpose.
So i felt much better today, having people talk to me. I guess that's all i really needed.
Back to work, early, cos i had run out of places to walk around in. Ben was sleeping on the table, so i quietly sit down and read my bible. Was reading the passage Ivan preached on sunday, 1 Samuel 17. and kept on going! Cos the story of David has so much action, jealousy, murderous intent, extreme friendship, father-son relations, war, decapitation etc. Hard to put down, really.
Work was slow today, i worked outside, and there werent many customers, not busy at all. Talked to Annie more, and NUS Life Science is sounding worse and worse by the second. Humbug. But towards the end of the night Adam also talked alot to us, heck, even I talked more. It was nice, cos for once i felt like part of the conversation, not just like i was being talked to. The joys of working with people your own age and demographic! (university bound) And in english, lets not forget that's still pretty important for me.
Even Ben talked to me today! What he said really made me feel happy, but also really reflective. He said that of the 3 part-timers (me, Jane, and JinYu), he always thought that i would be the first to leave. Like all those people who worked a few days and couldnt take it. Confirmed my suspicions, he DID think i was lousy and he DID want to fire me (read the archives). But he said he felt bad, cos he saw that i wanted the job, and that i was trying hard. "Actually, i showed the most patience with you." And really, he did. I really was terrible at waitressing.
"should take photo; before and after." He actually said that he was proud of me, that i could now handle even the big heavy trays, that i had come so far. =) He said that now i am the first choice out of 11 (that's football-speak, which i actually understand now, amazingly). "This one, always smiling at customers one."
I'm so pleased to see that my hard work actually paid off, that my service didnt go unnoticed. I'm proud of myself, that i persevered, even when i felt so sucky about myself. Another reason why waitressing is the most rewarding job in the world! I feel i have achieved something, i feel that i'm a better person than when i first started and i would not have done it any other way.
Adam told us the sad story of his breakup. His girlfriend of 5 long years left him saying that she was too busy. Then she got attached to this German guy! And the worst part was, Adam was the one who actually started talking to that guy one day outside a lecture theatre! OUCH!!!
More about Adam. Ben actually banned him from working in the kitchen, cos all the cooks were getting too fond of him. Adam is now also forbidden from calling them "darling". (but i call everyone darling! he retorted later, which is true) And its really funny, cos they DO like him alot and say things like "what were you doing outside just now? I jealous!" And everyday they ask "Where's Adam?" and they used to keep calling Abang Adam accidentally-on-purpose.
So i felt much better today, having people talk to me. I guess that's all i really needed.
Monday, May 17, 2004
did you know
that blogger is now owned by google?
and that google is actually a play on the word googol?
which is actually 1 followed by 100 zeros?
and that a googolplex is a 1 followed by a googol zeros?
click here
The nude mouse cannot mount an immune response
nude mouse
The nude mouse has a defect in its immune system, and can only live if protected from pathogens. The mouse to the right has a transplant of rabbit skin, and can't reject the foreign tissue. Mice with immune deficiencies are very useful in cancer research because human cancer cells can grow into tumors allowing new ways to test cancer therapy.
nerd moment of the day! yay!
i was just very amused by that sentence: "the nude mouse cannot mount an immune response" and by the picture. i want to say it again! The nude mouse cannot mount an immune response!!!
that blogger is now owned by google?
and that google is actually a play on the word googol?
which is actually 1 followed by 100 zeros?
and that a googolplex is a 1 followed by a googol zeros?
click here
The nude mouse cannot mount an immune response
nude mouse
The nude mouse has a defect in its immune system, and can only live if protected from pathogens. The mouse to the right has a transplant of rabbit skin, and can't reject the foreign tissue. Mice with immune deficiencies are very useful in cancer research because human cancer cells can grow into tumors allowing new ways to test cancer therapy.
nerd moment of the day! yay!
i was just very amused by that sentence: "the nude mouse cannot mount an immune response" and by the picture. i want to say it again! The nude mouse cannot mount an immune response!!!
to vi: yesh, waiters are cute! ahahaha! but im not looking for that right now lah. anyway i hardly know them, they might be real jerks once you know them better.
thanks to all the ppl who came to visit me recently! loved just seeing you there, brightened up my work a little each time. today was timo, yesterday veron lijuan and sern yong. =) HUG!
talking to annie today, NUS life science sounds like a really cut-throat place. argh, its sobering to realise that in a few months i will be thrown back into the competitive, fast-paced, do-or-die paperchase. damn. the higher you go in the education system, the worse the competition gets. and i HATE competing, brings out the worst in people, brings out the worst in me.
turns out ben wasnt angry with me at all, he asked me cheerfully how catering went. yay =). but i might have made the other ben angry on saturday, sure hope not.
i miss abang and ahneh... saturday was bang's last day, and i didnt know till today. ahneh went back to india some weeks ago. people just walk in and out of your life, time goes by really quickly. cliche but true. i guess this is why some people deliberately prevent themselves from forming any attachments, so that there's no pain when it's gone. (sounds so buddhist, not forming any worldly attachments) not that i really knew them so well la. but i think its better to try to know people and let yourself like them and lose them along the way than to stay cold and never know the warm mushy feelings of friendship.
me? i'm learning to live with loneliness. hardening myself, bracing myself for the worst, to survive. i dont want to think about it, for now, i just want to exist. contradictory eh? but i actually typed this paragraph first, then on second thought inserted the one above it. welcome to my world, my mind going two ways at once.
thanks to all the ppl who came to visit me recently! loved just seeing you there, brightened up my work a little each time. today was timo, yesterday veron lijuan and sern yong. =) HUG!
talking to annie today, NUS life science sounds like a really cut-throat place. argh, its sobering to realise that in a few months i will be thrown back into the competitive, fast-paced, do-or-die paperchase. damn. the higher you go in the education system, the worse the competition gets. and i HATE competing, brings out the worst in people, brings out the worst in me.
turns out ben wasnt angry with me at all, he asked me cheerfully how catering went. yay =). but i might have made the other ben angry on saturday, sure hope not.
i miss abang and ahneh... saturday was bang's last day, and i didnt know till today. ahneh went back to india some weeks ago. people just walk in and out of your life, time goes by really quickly. cliche but true. i guess this is why some people deliberately prevent themselves from forming any attachments, so that there's no pain when it's gone. (sounds so buddhist, not forming any worldly attachments) not that i really knew them so well la. but i think its better to try to know people and let yourself like them and lose them along the way than to stay cold and never know the warm mushy feelings of friendship.
me? i'm learning to live with loneliness. hardening myself, bracing myself for the worst, to survive. i dont want to think about it, for now, i just want to exist. contradictory eh? but i actually typed this paragraph first, then on second thought inserted the one above it. welcome to my world, my mind going two ways at once.
Saturday, May 15, 2004
went for catering again today! although it was still fun, the initial euphoria wore off. i knew it would, and that knowledge actually heightened the euphoria i felt the first time, knowing that it was so transient, that i had to enjoy it while it lasted. ain't i weird.
as i walked to the mrt, a silent prayer rang over and over again in my head: "i hope he's not there, i hope he's not there." and my prayers, though repetitive, were answered!
nobody was there at the appointed time of 3 o'clock. but thankfully spotted michael and this other guy pushing the trolley around a few minutes later. so i gratefully rush up to them, only to have michael tell me "youre here early! want to go shopping first then come back? at 4:30?"
and those of you who know me know that i dont shop, as a general rule. and besides, i cant afford anything there!!! i was at taka, the ngee ann side, with all the Guess, Zara, LV shops. and besides, i really wanted to hang around and help out. but cos im so shy, all i was able to make myself say was "ok"
so i just went up to kino and read books. yep, im 100%, certifiable boring.
mandy, sit up and listen, this part you will like. i was catering today for an exclusive, invite-only opening party for the new flagship store of... Furla! Hellooo uber-rich!
the boss of all the siam kitchens is also boss of all the other restaurants like Al dente, Hot stones and Patara. his sister, OWNS Furla. its a family thing. and his kids, teenage boy rather pimply and rich-bratish looking and tall, skinny, pretty teenage daughter, and assorted relatives also graced the event in designer dresses and suits.
i like the daughter... she's pretty, and appreciative. the son... bleah...
more rich, high fashion people. the boss said to stand next to him with a platter of cocktail food, that was my job, easy. which was also the best place to be cos as he lifted the velvet ropes for the guests, he also explained to me who they were! that's the people who own Great World City and Tanglin Mall, that's the head of some big company, that's....
got a few celebs... like Kit Chan, who was only there for a while, Wendi Jacobs, Fandi Ahmad's wife was there, i served her drinks. she's a tall, statueque beauty in real life, seems friendly enough. funny thing is, she was with this midget guy in a chinese suit the whole time. so after she took food, i had to bend down to make sure he could see the dish. that was funny.
Koh Cheng Mun was there, and this south african model (i'm assuming she's a model) as well as other filthy rich high society types. not surprisingly, quite a few gays too, and they're always interesting to watch.
these 2 ladies were surprised/offended that chong seemed not to remember them. after they were inside, i asked him who they were.
chong: the people from Wine & Dine magazine. I dont like the girls.
me: *surprised* why?
chong: so fake.
and he's right. all these high society people are a bunch of fakes. they do the kissy-face muah-muah greeting when they meet and to me, it just reeks of pretentiousness. cant stand fake people. i dont see the attraction of living like that, surrounded by a bunch of opportunistic fakos! so what if they have real designer goods, they lead fake hollow artifcial lives.
more conversations with chong
chong: so how many boyfriends do you have? (fully expecting me to say something like 7)
me: zero! *grin*
chong: what, a pretty girl like you? i dont believe. (but cos i have such an honest face, he believes a few seconds later)... why?
me: cos my mom is very protective...
chong: *surprised* oh... well, thats better, yes, should study first.
i surprised myself at my glib, quick reply which was a complete lie. yes, my mom IS strict, but that isnt why im not attached. i dont know why im not attached, there isnt any real reason. but im shocked that i could invent something so swiftly, seamlessly, believably. i always thought i was a bad liar. or maybe in my subconscious mind, that's the excuse i have presented myself with, so ask the right question, and thats the answer that comes out.
all the waiters today were cute! not that ive suddenly become a guy watcher, im just stating a fact. mandy, you'd like this particular one called boon something, he's dark, well-built and.. has small eyes!!! hehe... but i dunno, they arent as friendly as ah john, so they didnt talk to me and me being shy didnt talk to them. only started talking when steph and her friend came.
told her abt that kelvin guy. remember i said he was not cute, well, she didnt mince her words like i did. "you mean that guy with the curly hair that looks like pubic hair!??!?! not that i have anything against ugly people... but..." Haha, alot less palatable, but more accurate.
but steph and jamie (the other girl) kept messaging and whispering. i like steph and all, they were so nice to me too, invited me to watch movie with them after their work, but i realise... im so beyond that kinda girlishness. damn, im old.
was supposed to go back to bugis when the function was done, but michael told me that ben called up and said i didnt have to. hope that ben isnt angry with me, but hey, i was fully prepared to go back to work k, so its not my fault.
michael treats me with genuine affection, and its nice. he talks to me like im an injured pigeon or something. i like being babied! argh! closet baby!
as i walked to the mrt, a silent prayer rang over and over again in my head: "i hope he's not there, i hope he's not there." and my prayers, though repetitive, were answered!
nobody was there at the appointed time of 3 o'clock. but thankfully spotted michael and this other guy pushing the trolley around a few minutes later. so i gratefully rush up to them, only to have michael tell me "youre here early! want to go shopping first then come back? at 4:30?"
and those of you who know me know that i dont shop, as a general rule. and besides, i cant afford anything there!!! i was at taka, the ngee ann side, with all the Guess, Zara, LV shops. and besides, i really wanted to hang around and help out. but cos im so shy, all i was able to make myself say was "ok"
so i just went up to kino and read books. yep, im 100%, certifiable boring.
mandy, sit up and listen, this part you will like. i was catering today for an exclusive, invite-only opening party for the new flagship store of... Furla! Hellooo uber-rich!
the boss of all the siam kitchens is also boss of all the other restaurants like Al dente, Hot stones and Patara. his sister, OWNS Furla. its a family thing. and his kids, teenage boy rather pimply and rich-bratish looking and tall, skinny, pretty teenage daughter, and assorted relatives also graced the event in designer dresses and suits.
i like the daughter... she's pretty, and appreciative. the son... bleah...
more rich, high fashion people. the boss said to stand next to him with a platter of cocktail food, that was my job, easy. which was also the best place to be cos as he lifted the velvet ropes for the guests, he also explained to me who they were! that's the people who own Great World City and Tanglin Mall, that's the head of some big company, that's....
got a few celebs... like Kit Chan, who was only there for a while, Wendi Jacobs, Fandi Ahmad's wife was there, i served her drinks. she's a tall, statueque beauty in real life, seems friendly enough. funny thing is, she was with this midget guy in a chinese suit the whole time. so after she took food, i had to bend down to make sure he could see the dish. that was funny.
Koh Cheng Mun was there, and this south african model (i'm assuming she's a model) as well as other filthy rich high society types. not surprisingly, quite a few gays too, and they're always interesting to watch.
these 2 ladies were surprised/offended that chong seemed not to remember them. after they were inside, i asked him who they were.
chong: the people from Wine & Dine magazine. I dont like the girls.
me: *surprised* why?
chong: so fake.
and he's right. all these high society people are a bunch of fakes. they do the kissy-face muah-muah greeting when they meet and to me, it just reeks of pretentiousness. cant stand fake people. i dont see the attraction of living like that, surrounded by a bunch of opportunistic fakos! so what if they have real designer goods, they lead fake hollow artifcial lives.
more conversations with chong
chong: so how many boyfriends do you have? (fully expecting me to say something like 7)
me: zero! *grin*
chong: what, a pretty girl like you? i dont believe. (but cos i have such an honest face, he believes a few seconds later)... why?
me: cos my mom is very protective...
chong: *surprised* oh... well, thats better, yes, should study first.
i surprised myself at my glib, quick reply which was a complete lie. yes, my mom IS strict, but that isnt why im not attached. i dont know why im not attached, there isnt any real reason. but im shocked that i could invent something so swiftly, seamlessly, believably. i always thought i was a bad liar. or maybe in my subconscious mind, that's the excuse i have presented myself with, so ask the right question, and thats the answer that comes out.
all the waiters today were cute! not that ive suddenly become a guy watcher, im just stating a fact. mandy, you'd like this particular one called boon something, he's dark, well-built and.. has small eyes!!! hehe... but i dunno, they arent as friendly as ah john, so they didnt talk to me and me being shy didnt talk to them. only started talking when steph and her friend came.
told her abt that kelvin guy. remember i said he was not cute, well, she didnt mince her words like i did. "you mean that guy with the curly hair that looks like pubic hair!??!?! not that i have anything against ugly people... but..." Haha, alot less palatable, but more accurate.
but steph and jamie (the other girl) kept messaging and whispering. i like steph and all, they were so nice to me too, invited me to watch movie with them after their work, but i realise... im so beyond that kinda girlishness. damn, im old.
was supposed to go back to bugis when the function was done, but michael told me that ben called up and said i didnt have to. hope that ben isnt angry with me, but hey, i was fully prepared to go back to work k, so its not my fault.
michael treats me with genuine affection, and its nice. he talks to me like im an injured pigeon or something. i like being babied! argh! closet baby!
to best friend
you sound just like me a few days back. not happy with self, always being able to see others as special but always seeing self as crap.
well, i think you're a great person, but you dont. and you think i'm a great person, but i dont. either one of us is right or we are both wrong or we are both right. heh. draw your own conclusions?
and who on earth put the idea that you're a religious nut into your head??? tell me and i will layeth the smacketh down on that person! (i think i know who) if your standards are high, its cos their not your standards, but God's. i always found your standards too hard to live up to, but that dont make then self-righteous.
its not you that is crazy dear, its the rest of us, we cant live that way, its too hard, we cant match it up. its not your fault that we're weaker.
by the way becks, what happens when you put too much of yourself in a blog entry? do you keep typing, or do you just erase it?
well usually self-censorship kicks in. sometimes i do just erase everything or transfer it to good ol paper diary. most times i just opt to be vague and indistinct about it.
love you loads =)
you sound just like me a few days back. not happy with self, always being able to see others as special but always seeing self as crap.
well, i think you're a great person, but you dont. and you think i'm a great person, but i dont. either one of us is right or we are both wrong or we are both right. heh. draw your own conclusions?
and who on earth put the idea that you're a religious nut into your head??? tell me and i will layeth the smacketh down on that person! (i think i know who) if your standards are high, its cos their not your standards, but God's. i always found your standards too hard to live up to, but that dont make then self-righteous.
its not you that is crazy dear, its the rest of us, we cant live that way, its too hard, we cant match it up. its not your fault that we're weaker.
by the way becks, what happens when you put too much of yourself in a blog entry? do you keep typing, or do you just erase it?
well usually self-censorship kicks in. sometimes i do just erase everything or transfer it to good ol paper diary. most times i just opt to be vague and indistinct about it.
love you loads =)
Friday, May 14, 2004
mandy, please stop worrying about your hair! it makes me sad to see that your very happiness and sadness hangs in the balance. for the record, it's not ah lian, and even if it were, you wear it, so you make it glam.
ling, at first when i accessed your blog on my brother's comp, couldnt even read it cos of some encoding thing. then looking at it today on my comp, and realising its all in chinese, i just gave up... paiseh, its just been too long since i last touched that dreaded language.
v, congrats on STB! honestly happy for you, but dont know how this fits in with your interests? of all the things i'd thought you'd be when we were little girls, STB person wasnt one of them. (whatever it is that they do) but im sure you thought things out already, so this is me throwing my full support behind ya!
janelle, (who may or may not even read this) it was such a pleasant surprise seeing you today! heh... so that's jeremy... you ah, terrible, never tell me anything! seeing you today made me realise how much i miss you guys (class 11) and how much of your lives i've been missing out on too. *nostalgia*
ling, at first when i accessed your blog on my brother's comp, couldnt even read it cos of some encoding thing. then looking at it today on my comp, and realising its all in chinese, i just gave up... paiseh, its just been too long since i last touched that dreaded language.
v, congrats on STB! honestly happy for you, but dont know how this fits in with your interests? of all the things i'd thought you'd be when we were little girls, STB person wasnt one of them. (whatever it is that they do) but im sure you thought things out already, so this is me throwing my full support behind ya!
janelle, (who may or may not even read this) it was such a pleasant surprise seeing you today! heh... so that's jeremy... you ah, terrible, never tell me anything! seeing you today made me realise how much i miss you guys (class 11) and how much of your lives i've been missing out on too. *nostalgia*
Tuesday, May 11, 2004
this could be useful. what to do when your mom discovers your blog.
off to work in a while, hope that i have a good day =)
woke up early in the morning to go for the SBS open house. yup, now that i've done waitressing, i'm gonna try being a bus driver!
haha, yeah right. i dont even have a class 2 license! SBS is the School of Biologial Sciences at NTU. the campus tours were messy and not very helpful. (spankin' new $100,000,000 building. count the zeros.) but i was impressed by the amount of effort they put into the presentation, and by the lecturers. I would suggest ppl interested in life science to seriously consider SBS! its got a very good student to teacher ratio and a direct honours programme. if i didnt get offered my USP i would be torn between NTU and NUS now.
got to talk to veron on the long journey there and back, and as always, it was fun. =)
will keep this post short, have been overly loquacious of late.
off to work in a while, hope that i have a good day =)
woke up early in the morning to go for the SBS open house. yup, now that i've done waitressing, i'm gonna try being a bus driver!
haha, yeah right. i dont even have a class 2 license! SBS is the School of Biologial Sciences at NTU. the campus tours were messy and not very helpful. (spankin' new $100,000,000 building. count the zeros.) but i was impressed by the amount of effort they put into the presentation, and by the lecturers. I would suggest ppl interested in life science to seriously consider SBS! its got a very good student to teacher ratio and a direct honours programme. if i didnt get offered my USP i would be torn between NTU and NUS now.
got to talk to veron on the long journey there and back, and as always, it was fun. =)
will keep this post short, have been overly loquacious of late.
Monday, May 10, 2004
my sunburnt shins are peeling!!! i am now a two-toned freak'o'nature!!! behold my flaky hideousness!!!
youre lucky i cant find my camera.
youre lucky i cant find my camera.
sorry, the blog seems to be the last to know.
already told enai, aunty chiew ping, mei ee (the people concerned about the going ons in my life). i passed my basic theory! and i got accepted into USP! REALLY HAPPY! i thought the USP interview went really badly, but hey, i made it anyway. im grateful to God.
was feeling a little scared at first, wondering if i could cope with uni life, whether i would fit in, i heard the programme is really stressful, esp for life science, then there's the perenial money issue. but after a few days of agonising doubt and despair, i've come to the conclusion that if God's brought me to this point, He will also give me the strength to see it through.
it sounds so easy on print. but it's a struggle for me. those same thoughts come back to haunt me now and then and i have to fight them off. I've decided i just gotta grit my teeth, mug hard and get through this, nerd or no nerd, money or no money.
you go girl.
me and stephanie were just saying how great it is to be a girl. all through catering we carried a total of zero heavy things, the guys had to do all the shifting, carrying, hauling, packing. we stood around and looked pretty for most of the time. ah john frequently asked me to take rests and if i was ok. we got to go off earlier than everyone else. we got to sit in the front while all the guys crammed into the miserable space at the back. (and it was miserable, not enough space to sit properly even). Privilege with a capital P.
at first i was a little uneasy, with my egalitarian and feminist ideals. i kept saying i felt unhelpful and tried to pitch in. but stephanie eased me into it, made me feel comfortable about not doing the heavy stuff and just letting the guys have a go at it (although they did badly at carrying the tables down, banging them all the way on the stairs till even the good natured bosses yelled at them). alright, being female rocks.
already told enai, aunty chiew ping, mei ee (the people concerned about the going ons in my life). i passed my basic theory! and i got accepted into USP! REALLY HAPPY! i thought the USP interview went really badly, but hey, i made it anyway. im grateful to God.
was feeling a little scared at first, wondering if i could cope with uni life, whether i would fit in, i heard the programme is really stressful, esp for life science, then there's the perenial money issue. but after a few days of agonising doubt and despair, i've come to the conclusion that if God's brought me to this point, He will also give me the strength to see it through.
it sounds so easy on print. but it's a struggle for me. those same thoughts come back to haunt me now and then and i have to fight them off. I've decided i just gotta grit my teeth, mug hard and get through this, nerd or no nerd, money or no money.
you go girl.
me and stephanie were just saying how great it is to be a girl. all through catering we carried a total of zero heavy things, the guys had to do all the shifting, carrying, hauling, packing. we stood around and looked pretty for most of the time. ah john frequently asked me to take rests and if i was ok. we got to go off earlier than everyone else. we got to sit in the front while all the guys crammed into the miserable space at the back. (and it was miserable, not enough space to sit properly even). Privilege with a capital P.
at first i was a little uneasy, with my egalitarian and feminist ideals. i kept saying i felt unhelpful and tried to pitch in. but stephanie eased me into it, made me feel comfortable about not doing the heavy stuff and just letting the guys have a go at it (although they did badly at carrying the tables down, banging them all the way on the stairs till even the good natured bosses yelled at them). alright, being female rocks.
Sunday, May 09, 2004
well, you gotta admit he's persistent
one tiny detail i left out of my description of thursday. on tuesday, the guy waiters were all quite hunky... at least, not bad lah. but on thursday... erm, not so good, let's just be nice and leave it at that.
one of them, kelvin, was super talkative, kept engaging ppl in conversation, and talking to me even outside when we were on the job. didnt think much of it, thought that was just his character. me and stephanie scolded him for walking around by shuffling his feet. "we can hear you coming!" we said.
but at the end of the night, he talked to me as we cleared up the last bits of stuff. something about having no money cos he spent it all on shoes, that's why he has no handphone, and oh, by the way, what's your handphone number?
nice try kiddo.
i was like, erm, later ok? working now...
and i managed to evade him totally. when me and stephanie were leaving and the guys were still hauling stuff around (we were exempted cos we are girls! yay) my heart stopped for a second cos i thought he remembered and wanted to ask me again. but i'm a really good actress when it's required and very nonchalantly walked off. so i wasnt being rude and mean by dissing him, but more of a so blur i didnt notice kinda thing.
and after that i was like "phew, close call!" to stephanie and then forgot completely about the whole thing.
until today.
the phone in the restaurant rang. the phone is NEVER for me. who on earth would call me at work? the phone was for me. it was him. sigh. i wasnt too happy to hear him, so i guess i was pretty rude. but cos i just couldnt be mean to a complete stranger... i did give him my handphone number in the end, but this in the knowledge that he doesnt have a handphone. and he did only say that he wanted to "be my friend". i'm not stupid lah, guys arent that nice to call you at work just to be your friend. but i figure he's pretty harmless. and besides, he hasnt called me yet. and i can always ignore him.
think i made things pretty clear too cos he said not to bluff him and that the handphone number "really can call one" in a semi-hurt, whiny voice.
and speaking of unwanted attention.
this is to dom, who i just discovered, is reading my blog. well, i cant stop you from reading, but can you kindly refrain from blabbing all about it to my mother? i know this is public access, but i still like to keep certain things personal, and i appreciate if you keep things to yourself. i'm awfully tempted to relocate this entire blog and make it password protected.
one tiny detail i left out of my description of thursday. on tuesday, the guy waiters were all quite hunky... at least, not bad lah. but on thursday... erm, not so good, let's just be nice and leave it at that.
one of them, kelvin, was super talkative, kept engaging ppl in conversation, and talking to me even outside when we were on the job. didnt think much of it, thought that was just his character. me and stephanie scolded him for walking around by shuffling his feet. "we can hear you coming!" we said.
but at the end of the night, he talked to me as we cleared up the last bits of stuff. something about having no money cos he spent it all on shoes, that's why he has no handphone, and oh, by the way, what's your handphone number?
nice try kiddo.
i was like, erm, later ok? working now...
and i managed to evade him totally. when me and stephanie were leaving and the guys were still hauling stuff around (we were exempted cos we are girls! yay) my heart stopped for a second cos i thought he remembered and wanted to ask me again. but i'm a really good actress when it's required and very nonchalantly walked off. so i wasnt being rude and mean by dissing him, but more of a so blur i didnt notice kinda thing.
and after that i was like "phew, close call!" to stephanie and then forgot completely about the whole thing.
until today.
the phone in the restaurant rang. the phone is NEVER for me. who on earth would call me at work? the phone was for me. it was him. sigh. i wasnt too happy to hear him, so i guess i was pretty rude. but cos i just couldnt be mean to a complete stranger... i did give him my handphone number in the end, but this in the knowledge that he doesnt have a handphone. and he did only say that he wanted to "be my friend". i'm not stupid lah, guys arent that nice to call you at work just to be your friend. but i figure he's pretty harmless. and besides, he hasnt called me yet. and i can always ignore him.
think i made things pretty clear too cos he said not to bluff him and that the handphone number "really can call one" in a semi-hurt, whiny voice.
and speaking of unwanted attention.
this is to dom, who i just discovered, is reading my blog. well, i cant stop you from reading, but can you kindly refrain from blabbing all about it to my mother? i know this is public access, but i still like to keep certain things personal, and i appreciate if you keep things to yourself. i'm awfully tempted to relocate this entire blog and make it password protected.
Saturday, May 08, 2004
Despite the cheerful melody of this song, i have always found it incredibly incredibly depressing.
i identify with georgy girl. i am georgy girl.
i dream of the person i wish i were, intelligent, poised, witty, collected, cool, not dowdy, more atheletic or at least less clumsy, capable, sociable, disciplined, purposeful. but this is me, stuttering sometimes, totally clueless about how to be a normal 19 year old, lazy, painfully shy, withdrawn.
i have all these well-meaning friends around me singing "georgy girl" to me, relentlessly, if unconsciously, through their attitudes, words.
thing is, although i wish i were someone else sometimes, i dont want to change into that person either. contradictory? well, yes, but thats how i feel.
i want to like me for me, with all my shortcomings and quirks and weirdness. but i want to be that perfect person too. damn, what do i want?
and i thought i settled this nasty emotion yesterday after talking it out with a friend. humbug, looks like this is an issue thats gonna stay with me for a long time more.
i identify with georgy girl. i am georgy girl.
i dream of the person i wish i were, intelligent, poised, witty, collected, cool, not dowdy, more atheletic or at least less clumsy, capable, sociable, disciplined, purposeful. but this is me, stuttering sometimes, totally clueless about how to be a normal 19 year old, lazy, painfully shy, withdrawn.
i have all these well-meaning friends around me singing "georgy girl" to me, relentlessly, if unconsciously, through their attitudes, words.
thing is, although i wish i were someone else sometimes, i dont want to change into that person either. contradictory? well, yes, but thats how i feel.
i want to like me for me, with all my shortcomings and quirks and weirdness. but i want to be that perfect person too. damn, what do i want?
and i thought i settled this nasty emotion yesterday after talking it out with a friend. humbug, looks like this is an issue thats gonna stay with me for a long time more.
Georgy Girl : The Seekers
Hey there, Georgy girl
Swingin down the street so fancy-free
Nobody you meet could ever see the loneliness there
inside you
Hey there, Georgy girl
Why do all the boys just pass you by?
Could it be you just don't try or is it the clothes you wear?
You're always window shopping but never stopping to buy
So shed those dowdy feathers and fly
a little bit
Hey there, Georgy girl
Theres another Georgy deep inside
Bring out all the love you hide and, oh, what a change there'd be
The world would see a new Georgy girl
Hey there, Georgy girl
Dreamin of the someone you could be
Life is a reality, you can't always run away
Dont be so scared of changing and rearranging yourself
It's time for jumping down from the shelf
a little bit
Hey there, Georgy girl
There's another Georgy deep inside
Bring out all the love you hide and, oh, what a change thered be
The world would see a new Georgy girl
Wake up, Georgy girl
Come on, Georgy girl
Wake up, Georgy girl
Hey there, Georgy girl
Swingin down the street so fancy-free
Nobody you meet could ever see the loneliness there
inside you
Hey there, Georgy girl
Why do all the boys just pass you by?
Could it be you just don't try or is it the clothes you wear?
You're always window shopping but never stopping to buy
So shed those dowdy feathers and fly
a little bit
Hey there, Georgy girl
Theres another Georgy deep inside
Bring out all the love you hide and, oh, what a change there'd be
The world would see a new Georgy girl
Hey there, Georgy girl
Dreamin of the someone you could be
Life is a reality, you can't always run away
Dont be so scared of changing and rearranging yourself
It's time for jumping down from the shelf
a little bit
Hey there, Georgy girl
There's another Georgy deep inside
Bring out all the love you hide and, oh, what a change thered be
The world would see a new Georgy girl
Wake up, Georgy girl
Come on, Georgy girl
Wake up, Georgy girl
Friday, May 07, 2004
blissed out
yep, went back to work at the STPI today. i love my job! it's incredibly fun, immensely rewarding. I'm meeting so many new people! today met this girl called stephanie and we hit it off so well, kept on talking and talking. and you know im not much of a talker, so that was pretty amazing. she's like me in alot of ways, we like the same music, we think cutesy jap wannabes with the victory sign thing is super lame, we stole pieces of food together at every opportunity.
and i like ah john! who insists we call him andy lau... whatever. the fierce guy image of him is totally shattered. he's just a nice big brother to us now! and i am known as ah mei to him, probably because he forgot my name. and i like that, because right now im reveling in my newfound little girl status.
and i like michael! he was the "bartender" today. aiyah, lets just say i like all of them lah, cos i probably do. i just love working alongside them, its such a joy for me, truly madly deeply love my job. talk about job satisfaction.
and my tummy was satisfied too! today i was less shy, so helped myself to liberal portions of food! it helped that i had a partner in crime, stephanie. she pops a pizza into her mouth, so i eat a chunk of jelly, which makes her eat a springroll, allowing me to eat an eclair.... and so on. you get the picture.
"happy, happy; joy, joy!" Stimpy, from Ren & Stimpy
the "ni si wo de lao po" song is looping in my head...
yep, went back to work at the STPI today. i love my job! it's incredibly fun, immensely rewarding. I'm meeting so many new people! today met this girl called stephanie and we hit it off so well, kept on talking and talking. and you know im not much of a talker, so that was pretty amazing. she's like me in alot of ways, we like the same music, we think cutesy jap wannabes with the victory sign thing is super lame, we stole pieces of food together at every opportunity.
and i like ah john! who insists we call him andy lau... whatever. the fierce guy image of him is totally shattered. he's just a nice big brother to us now! and i am known as ah mei to him, probably because he forgot my name. and i like that, because right now im reveling in my newfound little girl status.
and i like michael! he was the "bartender" today. aiyah, lets just say i like all of them lah, cos i probably do. i just love working alongside them, its such a joy for me, truly madly deeply love my job. talk about job satisfaction.
and my tummy was satisfied too! today i was less shy, so helped myself to liberal portions of food! it helped that i had a partner in crime, stephanie. she pops a pizza into her mouth, so i eat a chunk of jelly, which makes her eat a springroll, allowing me to eat an eclair.... and so on. you get the picture.
"happy, happy; joy, joy!" Stimpy, from Ren & Stimpy
the "ni si wo de lao po" song is looping in my head...
Wednesday, May 05, 2004
sorry! seem to have forgotten about word of the post
well here it is
WORD OF THE POST
K for Kvetch (noun)
1. A chronic, whining complainer.
2. A nagging complaint: “a rambling kvetch against the system” (Leonard Ross).
3. To complain persistently and whiningly.
Yiddish kvetshn, to squeeze, complain, from Middle High German quetzen, quetschen, to squeeze.
well here it is
WORD OF THE POST
K for Kvetch (noun)
1. A chronic, whining complainer.
2. A nagging complaint: “a rambling kvetch against the system” (Leonard Ross).
3. To complain persistently and whiningly.
Yiddish kvetshn, to squeeze, complain, from Middle High German quetzen, quetschen, to squeeze.
Tuesday, May 04, 2004
havent been blogging the past few days cos i've been busy. yes, even during this supposed most slack time of my life i can be busy, believe it.
best friend is back! yayness! =) finally have someone to talk to and do stuff with! its been great! but she's leaving on friday, real soon...
today had an exceptionally fun & good day so i just had to blog it down for posterity! on my way to work i was thinking really hard about where to go and what to do for mandy's birthday. trying to pray about it but kept getting distracted by other thoughts. weirdly, this guy, as he got off the bus, gave me a namecard from tecman, that christian bookshop, cataloging all the stuff they sold! woah... what do you make of it?
work at bugis was ok, not fantastic, was really busy at some parts, quite stressful. but i managed to stay calm. you know, in thailand, the biggest compliment you can give someone is to call them "cool heart". (forgot how to say it in thai, alas) seems that they prize steadiness and calmness even in the midst of a crazy environment (think bangkok traffic). and yeah, i think its a pretty cool character to have too. so have been trying to cultivate that.
the moment it hit 3 i rushed off to meet en'ai and aunty chiew ping for high tea. at... GOODWOOD PARK HOTEL!!! muahahahaha!!! aren't you jealous? it was fabulous, fabulous, fabulous!!! had laksa, mee siam, popiah, chicken curry, chicken wings, kueh pie ti, fried thingy, creme brulee, mango pudding, very nice cake, banana cake, key lime pie, bread and butter pudding, chendol, red bean and lots more! woah... the food was incredible, both in terms of quantity and quality.
and i love aunty chiew ping. she's so nice to us and i just love talking to her. one of the few adults i take very well to. she's godly, and you know that she genuinely cares about you, she remembers everything you tell her, she's kind. i want to be like that when i grow up!
she drove me down to raffles city for me work. today was special, i was to report at patara, our parent thai restaurant at 5 today. originally supposed to go with big boss, but cos i was meeting en'ai and aunty chiew ping i made my own way there. got a little lost, cos the restaurant is at the hotel side not the shopping side.
it was such a NICE place! definetly more high class than siam kitchen! they had a sofa set waiting area with the cashier thingy and the furniture was so luxurious. and the kitchen was HUGE! at least 6 times bigger than bugis. swanky sia.
i waited around until the guy who reminds me of tian en told me to follow him into this amazing maze-like place leading to the car park. it was so cool, it was linked right to the kitchen, i felt like i was in a movie. i loved it!
cos i was the only girl, i got to sit in front. twas fun, the others were nice to me. driving around in a small goods van... i dunno, it was just the funnest thing ever. now i know why tian en finds it so fun to go around delivering stuff! i liked the idea of how we were on a mission, going to someplace, setting up our gear, doing our job, packing up and going home, it was just incredibly enjoyable for me.
at first i was a little scared of the others, except for the tian en guy (michael). they all spoke hokkien to each other, i could only recognise the swear words, they smoked. they spat on the ground. but somehow, i felt very at home and at ease with them, they felt like some kind of family to me. and as the night wore on, i began to feel that they were very good people indeed and i liked them very much! the kinship of service-liners.
and they were very gentlemanly! even better than the guys at church! who maybe have stopped treating me as well cos i've become one of the guys now that they have known me for so long. when they walk through any door, all the guys without fail, will hold it out for you too, even when we're busy taking trays in and out. cos the catering shirts were quite transparent, michael gave me a newer one. the manager of catering kept asking me if i was doing ok and intended to let me and the other girl off earlier. when i was cleaning up a broken wine glass (some guy dropped it) he helped me clean up and asked me with no accusation in his voice if i broke it. this more senior waiter was super funny, everytime he saw me he'd make a silly face and behind he'd try to make me smile. i had a great time with all of them!
and the job itself was incredibly fun. it was at an art gallery!!! so shiok! it was an exhibition of the work of these 3 crazy looking jap guys who couldnt speak a word of english and kept grinning and nodding to reject the food i brought them. it was a high class, chi-chi kinda event. the kind with finger food like vol-au-vents, quiche, proscuitto on melon, eclairs, prawn cocktail, roast duck breast, smoked salmon with capers, red and white wine, heiniken beer, only evian or san pellgria for water. can you say FANCY?
my job was to walk around with this heavy glass platter of food for those artsy farts to nibble at. it was such a glam event! reporters and video cameras and everything. bossa nova music softly playing in the background. ang mohs and japs and germans and gays and tai tais. i walked around and wondered at the amazing assembly of weirdos, how their lives were so vastly different from mine and the other wait-people. some of the art pieces were pretty good too! i liked these by this guy called hiroshi osaka, all about the play of light. too bad i couldnt afford it. (my favourite painting cost $10,000)
big boss said that the paintings were lousy and that his son could draw better any day. big boss really seems to see me as his kid of sorts. morning shift: i'm summoned out of the kitchen with a call of "xiao mei mei". when he saw me in the catering uniform, he grinned a very parental smile and said "aww... you look so sweet!" despite me having worked there for months now, and he being the one who interviewed me, he still thinks im waiting for my O level results.
well, i guess its not too bad being babied once in a while. from today i realised that i felt so at home with all of them cos my place was clearly the small kid role. people just naturally take care of me and look out for me. i was said to have an innocent face. and rather than fighting it like i usually do, i guess i should embrace it. that is who i am afterall.
waitressing has been an incredible incredible experience for me. in one day i see the high society of singapore, the rich and the well-heeled, and also the common waiter, working his way through a function, laughing, joking, smoking.
in the van on the way back to raffles city after the function, they demanded to listen to the song "ni si wo de lao po" on the cd. it was heartwarming that even this motley crew of seemingly rough people had dreams deep down of romance and finding a wife to grow old with, which was basically what the lyrics were.
i feel privileged to have an insight into their world. although i may never be one of them, coming from an english speaking background like mine, they accept me and let me join them. they're warm and friendly. i cant say the same of those guests at the art gallery today. i'd rather be friends with those waiters than any rich, highly educated, smart-aleck.
and yet i also feel sorry for those people who never get to interact with people other than their own tiny social circle. JC people cant name more than 5 poly friends and probably zero ITE friends. they'll have such a small world view! spending time and working alongside people who've never even finished primary 5 has changed me for the better. i'm more humble, i will never ever look down on anyone based on something as stupid as a result slip.
woah. long post.
best friend is back! yayness! =) finally have someone to talk to and do stuff with! its been great! but she's leaving on friday, real soon...
today had an exceptionally fun & good day so i just had to blog it down for posterity! on my way to work i was thinking really hard about where to go and what to do for mandy's birthday. trying to pray about it but kept getting distracted by other thoughts. weirdly, this guy, as he got off the bus, gave me a namecard from tecman, that christian bookshop, cataloging all the stuff they sold! woah... what do you make of it?
work at bugis was ok, not fantastic, was really busy at some parts, quite stressful. but i managed to stay calm. you know, in thailand, the biggest compliment you can give someone is to call them "cool heart". (forgot how to say it in thai, alas) seems that they prize steadiness and calmness even in the midst of a crazy environment (think bangkok traffic). and yeah, i think its a pretty cool character to have too. so have been trying to cultivate that.
the moment it hit 3 i rushed off to meet en'ai and aunty chiew ping for high tea. at... GOODWOOD PARK HOTEL!!! muahahahaha!!! aren't you jealous? it was fabulous, fabulous, fabulous!!! had laksa, mee siam, popiah, chicken curry, chicken wings, kueh pie ti, fried thingy, creme brulee, mango pudding, very nice cake, banana cake, key lime pie, bread and butter pudding, chendol, red bean and lots more! woah... the food was incredible, both in terms of quantity and quality.
and i love aunty chiew ping. she's so nice to us and i just love talking to her. one of the few adults i take very well to. she's godly, and you know that she genuinely cares about you, she remembers everything you tell her, she's kind. i want to be like that when i grow up!
she drove me down to raffles city for me work. today was special, i was to report at patara, our parent thai restaurant at 5 today. originally supposed to go with big boss, but cos i was meeting en'ai and aunty chiew ping i made my own way there. got a little lost, cos the restaurant is at the hotel side not the shopping side.
it was such a NICE place! definetly more high class than siam kitchen! they had a sofa set waiting area with the cashier thingy and the furniture was so luxurious. and the kitchen was HUGE! at least 6 times bigger than bugis. swanky sia.
i waited around until the guy who reminds me of tian en told me to follow him into this amazing maze-like place leading to the car park. it was so cool, it was linked right to the kitchen, i felt like i was in a movie. i loved it!
cos i was the only girl, i got to sit in front. twas fun, the others were nice to me. driving around in a small goods van... i dunno, it was just the funnest thing ever. now i know why tian en finds it so fun to go around delivering stuff! i liked the idea of how we were on a mission, going to someplace, setting up our gear, doing our job, packing up and going home, it was just incredibly enjoyable for me.
at first i was a little scared of the others, except for the tian en guy (michael). they all spoke hokkien to each other, i could only recognise the swear words, they smoked. they spat on the ground. but somehow, i felt very at home and at ease with them, they felt like some kind of family to me. and as the night wore on, i began to feel that they were very good people indeed and i liked them very much! the kinship of service-liners.
and they were very gentlemanly! even better than the guys at church! who maybe have stopped treating me as well cos i've become one of the guys now that they have known me for so long. when they walk through any door, all the guys without fail, will hold it out for you too, even when we're busy taking trays in and out. cos the catering shirts were quite transparent, michael gave me a newer one. the manager of catering kept asking me if i was doing ok and intended to let me and the other girl off earlier. when i was cleaning up a broken wine glass (some guy dropped it) he helped me clean up and asked me with no accusation in his voice if i broke it. this more senior waiter was super funny, everytime he saw me he'd make a silly face and behind he'd try to make me smile. i had a great time with all of them!
and the job itself was incredibly fun. it was at an art gallery!!! so shiok! it was an exhibition of the work of these 3 crazy looking jap guys who couldnt speak a word of english and kept grinning and nodding to reject the food i brought them. it was a high class, chi-chi kinda event. the kind with finger food like vol-au-vents, quiche, proscuitto on melon, eclairs, prawn cocktail, roast duck breast, smoked salmon with capers, red and white wine, heiniken beer, only evian or san pellgria for water. can you say FANCY?
my job was to walk around with this heavy glass platter of food for those artsy farts to nibble at. it was such a glam event! reporters and video cameras and everything. bossa nova music softly playing in the background. ang mohs and japs and germans and gays and tai tais. i walked around and wondered at the amazing assembly of weirdos, how their lives were so vastly different from mine and the other wait-people. some of the art pieces were pretty good too! i liked these by this guy called hiroshi osaka, all about the play of light. too bad i couldnt afford it. (my favourite painting cost $10,000)
big boss said that the paintings were lousy and that his son could draw better any day. big boss really seems to see me as his kid of sorts. morning shift: i'm summoned out of the kitchen with a call of "xiao mei mei". when he saw me in the catering uniform, he grinned a very parental smile and said "aww... you look so sweet!" despite me having worked there for months now, and he being the one who interviewed me, he still thinks im waiting for my O level results.
well, i guess its not too bad being babied once in a while. from today i realised that i felt so at home with all of them cos my place was clearly the small kid role. people just naturally take care of me and look out for me. i was said to have an innocent face. and rather than fighting it like i usually do, i guess i should embrace it. that is who i am afterall.
waitressing has been an incredible incredible experience for me. in one day i see the high society of singapore, the rich and the well-heeled, and also the common waiter, working his way through a function, laughing, joking, smoking.
in the van on the way back to raffles city after the function, they demanded to listen to the song "ni si wo de lao po" on the cd. it was heartwarming that even this motley crew of seemingly rough people had dreams deep down of romance and finding a wife to grow old with, which was basically what the lyrics were.
i feel privileged to have an insight into their world. although i may never be one of them, coming from an english speaking background like mine, they accept me and let me join them. they're warm and friendly. i cant say the same of those guests at the art gallery today. i'd rather be friends with those waiters than any rich, highly educated, smart-aleck.
and yet i also feel sorry for those people who never get to interact with people other than their own tiny social circle. JC people cant name more than 5 poly friends and probably zero ITE friends. they'll have such a small world view! spending time and working alongside people who've never even finished primary 5 has changed me for the better. i'm more humble, i will never ever look down on anyone based on something as stupid as a result slip.
woah. long post.
tapioca. sweet and mushy or crispy and bland. depending on how you cook me.
About Me
- Name: beckyboo
- Location: Singapore
i am extraordinary, if you ever get to know me, i am extraordinary, i am just your ordinary average everyday sane psycho supergoddess
Birmingham
Church Friends
eleven & JC days
NUS
VCFers
Photos
Links out
Click
Previous Posts
- so long, cyberspace.i'm off to pursue my alter ego...
- I really really really want to watch taxidermia wh...
- daddy on biodiversitydd: I wish they would at leas...
- Life science jokes just aren't funny.danielSDS? u?...
- I spent the whole day complaining to pam that the ...
- I've been wearing the bracelet k gave me since pos...
- The Flaming Lips - The Yeah Yeah Yeah Song
- 4 year 4 friends awake at 4am.Whee~
- Darn scientists.MAPK: Mitogen-Activated Protein Ki...
- After weeks on end of staring at my double-spaced ...
Archives
- 02/01/2004 - 03/01/2004
- 03/01/2004 - 04/01/2004
- 04/01/2004 - 05/01/2004
- 05/01/2004 - 06/01/2004
- 06/01/2004 - 07/01/2004
- 07/01/2004 - 08/01/2004
- 08/01/2004 - 09/01/2004
- 09/01/2004 - 10/01/2004
- 10/01/2004 - 11/01/2004
- 11/01/2004 - 12/01/2004
- 12/01/2004 - 01/01/2005
- 01/01/2005 - 02/01/2005
- 02/01/2005 - 03/01/2005
- 03/01/2005 - 04/01/2005
- 04/01/2005 - 05/01/2005
- 05/01/2005 - 06/01/2005
- 06/01/2005 - 07/01/2005
- 07/01/2005 - 08/01/2005
- 08/01/2005 - 09/01/2005
- 09/01/2005 - 10/01/2005
- 10/01/2005 - 11/01/2005
- 11/01/2005 - 12/01/2005
- 12/01/2005 - 01/01/2006
- 01/01/2006 - 02/01/2006
- 02/01/2006 - 03/01/2006
- 03/01/2006 - 04/01/2006
- 04/01/2006 - 05/01/2006
- 05/01/2006 - 06/01/2006
- 06/01/2006 - 07/01/2006
- 07/01/2006 - 08/01/2006
- 08/01/2006 - 09/01/2006
- 09/01/2006 - 10/01/2006
- 10/01/2006 - 11/01/2006
- 11/01/2006 - 12/01/2006
- 12/01/2006 - 01/01/2007
- 01/01/2007 - 02/01/2007
- 02/01/2007 - 03/01/2007
- 03/01/2007 - 04/01/2007
- 05/01/2007 - 06/01/2007
- 06/01/2007 - 07/01/2007
- 07/01/2007 - 08/01/2007
- 08/01/2007 - 09/01/2007
- 09/01/2007 - 10/01/2007
- 10/01/2007 - 11/01/2007
- 11/01/2007 - 12/01/2007
- 12/01/2007 - 01/01/2008
- 01/01/2008 - 02/01/2008
- 02/01/2008 - 03/01/2008
- 03/01/2008 - 04/01/2008
- 04/01/2008 - 05/01/2008
- 06/01/2008 - 07/01/2008
- Current Posts
